28.04.2012

a line

the glamourosity disappeard with her clothes




-n

26.04.2012

23.04.2012

1:47

desperate thoughts. i let you into my home; you saw my mom, you saw my sister, you exist now. fucking asshole. i don't care about sex and i don't care about broken glass. but i care about my family more than you can understand. and it makes me care less about you. i had so many good thoughts about you just a second ago. now they're angry. anger. how can you make yourself into a monster like that? i probably created your personality. i created your thoughts and your feelings. i believed in them for a little while. and i made a fucking fool out of myself. you are a monster! a name on the list, a nobody. along with the rest of the names on the list. number 6. sex. number six! monster number 6. how could i ever allow this? how could i ever let this happen? and where the fuck is w when you need it? where is my savior? everybody left, man. and the ones who didn't doesn't dare to ask questions. and i understand why and it's fine. i wan't to talk to you but when i have the chance i change my mind. because your face makes me wanna throw up a bit. it's pretty, no doubt. you are pretty. pretty. in the throw-up way. ew. maybe that would work out for me though. throw up. spit out. spit it all out in a bag and throw it away. that's a solution. so why the hell am i whining? i have a solution and i have a plan. and it's fucking great and i can't wait to see your face covered in vomit. in a non-litteral way. can't we just talk? can't i just be a desperate girl who needs an answer? please? i need some fucking answers. and thearapy. thearapy. you have to stop haunting me. i have to listen to myself now. i have to be strong. (hahahahhahahahahahhahahah) i have to live up to my own goals and desicsionsfjhs s. fuck. fuck fuck fuck. vomit. thearapy. it's not just you, monster. you are not the problem, i know that. he is! he is the problem! haunting me like that. why are you haunting me? make it stop. make it all stop! i wanna travel in time. forward. where is the fast-forward button? where is it? daddy, i need you. no i don't. i don't need you! and i never will, ever again. it's a completed chapter. it's over. that chapter is over and you have to remember that. the book is closed. and locked up! it is locked up and far away in a locked up box that is in another locked up box. that is a closed book in two locked up boxes far away. i will not open it ever. it doesn't matter what the book says anymore because it's over. oh, monster, you would make things easier, do you know that? you would make me smile! you would be that one good thing. but you aren't. you are just monster number 6. and it's fine and i will close that book as well. in a minute. so many books! written, unwritten, read and unread. open and closed. maybe you could tell, dear monster, that i wasn't ready for this. maybe you could see my soul. nah, i doubt it. you aren't a smart monster. at least i don't think so. let's face it, i have no idea, i don't know you. monster. monster number six. why are you doing this? i'm waiting! i'm still waiting? you aren't the one anyways. i'll quit. quit waiting. quit monsters like you! stupid monsters. fg, you could save me. dear, dear fg. where are you? i know where you are. it is so far away. and soon, it will be even further. i miss you though. i miss your kind face. you aren't a monster. fg fg fg fg fg fg fg fg fg fg fg fg. over. ended. out. finished. done. i am alone in the world right now. i am the only person alive! the only person existing. it's crazy. me. ME. i exist!!!! who are you kidding? you are the least existing person in this world. you are dead. you died years ago. you just can't seem to let it go, huh? why do you eat? why do you stuff those things down your throat? spit it out! spit it out in a bag! i will. i will spit it out. i promise you that i will spit it out. im stronger than you. im stronger than you. im not.

no thearapy, no.





-n

21.04.2012

at night

we screwed it up
litteraly
broken glass
broken fucking glass




-n

current state of mind and appearence





-n

20.04.2012

friday afternoon

fulde tanker
fulde på alle måder
hvad sker der, med  det nye design
er ikke god med ændringer
så dan er det jo
har så svært ved at skrive
for helvede
ingen vil svare
har så mange ting at sige
omvendt rækkefølge
det er pisseligemeget
idag var god
imorgen bliver øv
havde lyst til, at skrive blir'
men gjorde det ikke
har brugt mine sidste penge
på vejle bryg
der er ikke mad resten af ugen
er også mæt fra nu af til min død
hikker
ville ønske, det var på den charmerende måde
at jeg var på den charmerende måde
men næææææææ
for meget vejle bryg
og en tuborg eller to
og tusinds smøger
og en grim dag
grim, grim dag
men også sjov og god
forhelvede en god dag!1!!
jeg er så vild med det
vild med dig, med jer, med dagen
men portugesere og svenskere
og alle verdenshjørner!
vild med vejle bryg
og hospitalsgrøn
jeg er hospitalsgrøn!
vild med bogstaber!! vild med at skrive
lige nu
lidt vild med dig
på den fine måde

16.04.2012

tak for cola, du

ja ja. nå nå. okay. drikker cola nu. har ikke spist hele dagen. næsten. sådan går det. men nu drikker jeg cola. så fuck det. fuck cola, altså. hold kæft, hvor er det fint. jeg giver op for let. måske. pessimistisk? ja. og nærtagende? i højeste fede fucking grad. sådan er det. jeg har ikke tabt, jeg har kun dummet mig og kun måske. måske dum. måske teenager. og måske lever jeg ikke lige op til presset idag. måske er jeg lidt rundt på gulvet. måske. ja. jaja. motivationen er der. nu. i større grad end nogensinde. det er også det eneste jeg har. det kan jeg godt leve på. lidt. måske. motivation. motivation. cola. stop nu. skriv. nu. skriv. jeg vil vinde og jeg skal nok vinde. bolden er på din banehalvdel nu. spil. spil. skriv. nu. cola. læser nu. nu læser jeg. nu beviser jeg, at jeg kan. jeg kan godt leve op til kravene. det kan jeg godt. det kan jeg virkelig godt. tager en tår nu. cola. det er så klistret. så forfærdeligt, dejligt klistret og fyldt med sukker. 0,5l. overført betydning. COLA. sødt. klistret. tiltrækkende som ind i helvede! ja ja. ha! tak for cola, du. tak.


-n

12.04.2012

01:10

idag, lærte jeg at cykle. og solen skinnede




-n