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desperate thoughts. i let you into my home; you saw my mom, you saw my sister, you exist now. fucking asshole. i don't care about sex and i don't care about broken glass. but i care about my family more than you can understand. and it makes me care less about you. i had so many good thoughts about you just a second ago. now they're angry. anger. how can you make yourself into a monster like that? i probably created your personality. i created your thoughts and your feelings. i believed in them for a little while. and i made a fucking fool out of myself. you are a monster! a name on the list, a nobody. along with the rest of the names on the list. number 6. sex. number six! monster number 6. how could i ever allow this? how could i ever let this happen? and where the fuck is w when you need it? where is my savior? everybody left, man. and the ones who didn't doesn't dare to ask questions. and i understand why and it's fine. i wan't to talk to you but when i have the chance i change my mind. because your face makes me wanna throw up a bit. it's pretty, no doubt. you are pretty. pretty. in the throw-up way. ew. maybe that would work out for me though. throw up. spit out. spit it all out in a bag and throw it away. that's a solution. so why the hell am i whining? i have a solution and i have a plan. and it's fucking great and i can't wait to see your face covered in vomit. in a non-litteral way. can't we just talk? can't i just be a desperate girl who needs an answer? please? i need some fucking answers. and thearapy. thearapy. you have to stop haunting me. i have to listen to myself now. i have to be strong. (hahahahhahahahahahhahahah) i have to live up to my own goals and desicsionsfjhs s. fuck. fuck fuck fuck. vomit. thearapy. it's not just you, monster. you are not the problem, i know that. he is! he is the problem! haunting me like that. why are you haunting me? make it stop. make it all stop! i wanna travel in time. forward. where is the fast-forward button? where is it? daddy, i need you. no i don't. i don't need you! and i never will, ever again. it's a completed chapter. it's over. that chapter is over and you have to remember that. the book is closed. and locked up! it is locked up and far away in a locked up box that is in another locked up box. that is a closed book in two locked up boxes far away. i will not open it ever. it doesn't matter what the book says anymore because it's over. oh, monster, you would make things easier, do you know that? you would make me smile! you would be that one good thing. but you aren't. you are just monster number 6. and it's fine and i will close that book as well. in a minute. so many books! written, unwritten, read and unread. open and closed. maybe you could tell, dear monster, that i wasn't ready for this. maybe you could see my soul. nah, i doubt it. you aren't a smart monster. at least i don't think so. let's face it, i have no idea, i don't know you. monster. monster number six. why are you doing this? i'm waiting! i'm still waiting? you aren't the one anyways. i'll quit. quit waiting. quit monsters like you! stupid monsters. fg, you could save me. dear, dear fg. where are you? i know where you are. it is so far away. and soon, it will be even further. i miss you though. i miss your kind face. you aren't a monster. fg fg fg fg fg fg fg fg fg fg fg fg. over. ended. out. finished. done. i am alone in the world right now. i am the only person alive! the only person existing. it's crazy. me. ME. i exist!!!! who are you kidding? you are the least existing person in this world. you are dead. you died years ago. you just can't seem to let it go, huh? why do you eat? why do you stuff those things down your throat? spit it out! spit it out in a bag! i will. i will spit it out. i promise you that i will spit it out. im stronger than you. im stronger than you. im not.

no thearapy, no.





-n