pathetic monolouge

it's not that im not miserable anymore, because i am - and probably more than i have ever been. i just can't write. and it pains me that my missery isn't even inspiring anymore. it's just draining and making me tired. i don't think i have ever been this tired. not this kind of tired. coffee doesn't even work. my eyes are haning lower than they usually do and i feel like my brain is slowly shutting down. one bit at a time. im having such a hard time just being and it scares me like hell. i don't want to be in the middle of this and i don't wan't to struggle so much to just get through the day. a regular day. i think maybe im sick but i don't know. and what would my diagnosis be? depression, paranoia, anxiety - who knows? and who would ever know, because i could never tell them about it. about what's going on. sometimes i feel crazy and other times i don't. mostly im just tired.. so i'll go to sleep and hope that tomorrow won't come. how pathetic is that?



-n

bringing color #8

about the weather

and about longing for something thats far away

-n

noget om noget (trælst)

jeg er skuffet
virkelig skuffet
dybt og inderligt
og sur og vred
og helt tom indeni
men alligevel fyldt op til renden
med noget jeg ikke kan genkende
men alligevel kender alt for godt
og jeg har lyst til at græde
tusindvis af saltede tårer
har lyst til at mærke min hals
helt snørret sammen
og dunken bag øjnene
og sviende kinder
og jeg har lyst til at skrige
skrige hver en tanke ud
til smerten er tæt på uudholdelig
og til lungerne kollapser




-n

ujævnt

uinspireret
uformuleret
uinformeret
ufornuftig
unødvendig
ufuldstændig
ubesværet
uansvarlig
uanstændig
uintelligent


-n

fuck you

whats the difference between your reality and mine?



-n