pathetic monolouge

it's not that im not miserable anymore, because i am - and probably more than i have ever been. i just can't write. and it pains me that my missery isn't even inspiring anymore. it's just draining and making me tired. i don't think i have ever been this tired. not this kind of tired. coffee doesn't even work. my eyes are haning lower than they usually do and i feel like my brain is slowly shutting down. one bit at a time. im having such a hard time just being and it scares me like hell. i don't want to be in the middle of this and i don't wan't to struggle so much to just get through the day. a regular day. i think maybe im sick but i don't know. and what would my diagnosis be? depression, paranoia, anxiety - who knows? and who would ever know, because i could never tell them about it. about what's going on. sometimes i feel crazy and other times i don't. mostly im just tired.. so i'll go to sleep and hope that tomorrow won't come. how pathetic is that?



-n